Waiting in our Weakness

Baby Sonogram

Holy Saturday is a day of quiet and waiting.

This week has been an interesting week for me. My husband and I are in the process of building a dream and walking it out. There are a lot of moving parts, a lot of unanswered questions and uncertainty.

The beginning of a dream is always exciting! But as soon as you take action toward the dream, it becomes uncomfortable.

This week I have been oh so tired.

Emotionally and physically. Emotionally comes from the uncertainty and discernment, physically I am pregnant with number 4 and still in my first trimester. I’m always tired in the first trimester, but this pregnancy seems even more.

I have felt disappointed that I haven’t done as much in my business, my work time is far less productive than usual, I struggle to get up in the morning and therefore miss my prayer time/ journal time.

I will be honest, this has been hard for me. Intellectually I know my worth comes from my production, but subconsciously I realize I am so attached to being able to produce! When I am not living up to the standards I have for myself I feel less.

I have been working on and praying through this thought that I feel weak during this Holy Week.

Jesus submitted himself to so much. He let himself be ridiculed - “He saved others but couldn’t save himself.” Was he tempted to come down from the cross and prove his divinity to them? But he didn’t. He chose to submit.

There is so much power in submission. But I resist it so much! I want to be able to “do it all” even while I’m pregnant. But Christ has shown me a powerful example.

As I journaled on this He said to me, “My power is made perfect in weakness” I persisted and asked him, “What does this mean? Not getting up in the morning feels like my fault and I should be able to fix it.”

He continued to repeat to me that His grace is sufficient and continued, “This is a special moment of grace for you, don’t wish it away. Remain with me.”

This Lent or Holy Week has not been “perfect” by far. I feel I have failed in a lot of ways. But I also have experienced the Lord's powerful and beautiful grace through submission.

I invite you to journey with me.