Bacon Grease and Christ’s Cross
For my friends who have a more passive, laidback temperament. Have you ever gotten angry about something, let it blow over, and just wait for “everything to be fine” again? Maybe it works out okay a few times … but then the same thing happens again and the cycle continues.
I’m going to tell you about an experience in my life when I was tempted to take the passive approach. Full disclosure, I am about to share something personal. It is vulnerable, and sometimes when you share something like that it can give the wrong impression. So for the record, before you read this story, my husband and I have an incredible relationship. It’s easy and a joy to be together and we love spending time together! My husband is incredibly helpful, understanding and caring. This story is about my reaction to a circumstance and nothing about what he should or shouldn’t have done. Final note - I asked him to proof-read this before sharing and he laughed and laughed. “I had no idea!” he said.
Okay, on with the story!
Last week I was cooking bacon and trying to pour off the bacon grease. My sweet husband saw me struggling with this and offered to help. As he did so, however, he ended up accidentally pouring the grease all over my skirt. “I’m sorry,” he said. It sounded half-hearted to me.
I was quite put out and as we started to clean up the floor I didn’t say anything. I also wouldn’t make eye contact with him. I knew it wasn’t his fault and it was just an accident. If he had apologized a few minutes later I would have tried to smile and say it was okay. However…. he didn’t. As the time passed on and on without an apology, I grew more and more upset at the injustice.
We continued about our business as I became more and more resentful. “I’m going to change my clothes now” Hoping to get a remorseful response. Nope.
At this point I was feeling very right and very resentful.
“He should apologize!” I kept thinking.
Ah well, he will eventually come around. I continued to speak to him only if I needed to.
I was so tempted to continue to wait. But...I knew I should journal on it and find the wisdom in this moment. As I started to journal, I saw clearly how I was behaving. I looked at the hard facts that he had offered to help and I had said yes without giving any clear instructions on how we would work together. I saw that my behavior was resulting in abdicating my ability to forgive him by waiting for him to apologize.
I saw this clearly, but it still felt so right. “He should apologize.”
I brought it to the Lord and asked his interpretation. He asked me some questions and told me, “It’s easy to forgive when someone asks for forgiveness. Think of me on the cross, did my persecutors ask for forgiveness? Why can’t you forgive your husband who loves you?”
I can choose to forgive.
This experience was so powerful for me. It’s easy for me to wait for the situation to blow over instead of owning my part. But if I stay in that place of waiting it digs me deeper and deeper in a rut that I cannot get out of because I’ve given over my ability to someone else. (In this case my husband).
This is the journal I referenced: https://shop.metanoiacatholic.com/
I can teach you how to use this powerful tool and coach you through the process. You will learn how to manage the stress and overwhelm in your life so that you can stop feeling stuck and start looking forward to each day with purpose and conviction.